"One of our members has invited you to join SinglesNet!"
~I'm sorry WTF?! Did you talk to my husband since I last did? I mean sure, we bicker, but I thought that was normal for most couples. M-Fer, I call dibs on the dog.
"Free DIET Sample Pack for YOU!"
~Yeah, and your mom's a hoe.
"OUR MEMBER WANTS TO MEET YOU."
~Well, I have a 'Member' at home thank you very much, and he doesn't email me IN ALL CAPS.
"Find True Love, You Can Start Tonight!"
~Excuse me, do you know Mr. SinglesNet?
"Play this game for free right now and get $999 free."
~A) Did anyone ever tell you you're redundant? And B) I may have been born at night, but I know $999 isn't free, it costesses 9 hundred and ninety-nine dollars, Dipwad.