Wednesday, April 30, 2008
In other news, everything is going well with the baby so far. We still have not arrived at a name yet, though we're drawing closer to narrowing it down to any male names that are no more than 2 syllables - thank you, G. I keep forgetting to take this glucose tolerance test that is supposed to be done in the next two weeks - mainly because they told me I can't eat anything sweet at least an hour before the test and it's rare for me to go an hour abiding by this rule. Hmm. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, do you care what I had for lunch today? Because I just burnt the hell out of my tongue on clam chowder and boy does it feel nice. I'm running out of things to eat for lunch around here that will satisfy my meager attempts at eating healthy, well-balanced meals for the fetus. In the past two weeks I've had cheese pizza, a grilled cheese, clam chowder, a spicy chicken sandwich a la Wendy, fries, cheese pizza, spaghetti with cheese melted on it, and veggie pizza. Before that I was packing my lunch every day and avoided consuming so much freaking cheese. Now, there are no groceries in my frig and until my husband cries uncle and orders them himself, I'm stuck with the cheese diet. Cheese. Say it. You really want to go to the frig right now to see what kind of cheese snack options you have. It's okay, you can, you're a grown up.
I'm off to fill my water bottle. AGAIN.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
If everything goes well, I'll post some pics after the weekend, because you have got to see the kitchen and the 'nursery' and the tile and the hardwood flooring. It makes me want to rip my clothes off and rub my huge belly all over it. It's also giving me incentive to pack the butt loads of crap we currently own into a million tiny boxes to get us out of our Cockroach Den and into the Riverdale Garden of Eden. Did I mention it has two terraces? Two? One in the front and one in back? Talk about sealing the deal. I can sit on my terrace in my underwear and stare at the neighbors now. Try and keep me away from that apartment. Try. See? You can't.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Can you give me some information on the 3BR apartment on Fieldston in Riverdale? Where on Fieldston is it located? Is there laundry in the apartment? What floor is it on? If a high floor, is there an elevator? Thank you, T"
"This home is located on fieldston road and w.261st. there is laundry in the basement. it is on the 2nd floor of a 2 story 2 family home. Feel free to call me on my cell number below to get more information and to set up a viewing this weekend" (NOTICE: The utter lack and disregard of capitalization and punctuation. - Have I ever told you about my thing with GRAMMAR?)
"The owners qualifications are the following: good income and 680 or higher credit. If you are well above these base criteria then you would have a better shot a reduction for a long lease. Let me know"
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
And this one just makes me die:
Mother, to four-year-old boy who has just slapped a little girl: Why did you do that?! Give me a reason right now. I demand a reason, now!
Four-year-old boy: I have to control her.
And now my day is made. Thank you Four-year-old boy, I've been trying to explain why am I am how I am and you summed it up. Kudos.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Skybus went out of business. After I bought 4 roundtrip tickets.
"Crap, I just thought it was Wednesday."
And, Crazy Anti-American French Lady is back.
Happy Monday, Everyone!
Friday, April 4, 2008
Hi. I'm not part of your club, but I've been having this problem and decided maybe I could ask you for the answer or some expert advice, okay? So here's what's happening. Often, when I arrive at my hospital in the morning for work, there is already someone or someones waiting for the elevator. This shouldn't pose a problem, you say. And that's where you're wrong. As I breach the threshold of the Waiting for the Elevator area, I realize AGAIN that the person waiting anxiously for the transportation mechanism has pushed the DOWN arrow.
Now, before I lose my temper and my blood pressure goes to where only the birds fly, let me please tell you what happens to the poor souls once the elevator arrives. EVERY TIME. There will now be a group of people standing and waiting for the elevator but when the door opens, we "Other People" do not get on, we anticipate that the elevator is going down one floor to the basement to pick someone else up and will be coming back our way shortly. This, we know, will happen because we have pushed the UP arrow.
Only the "Intellectually Challenged" person who pushed the stupid down button gets right on the elevator and continues to try to push their desired floor, 6, 8, or perhaps 10. Then, once again, their enormous brains are boggled when the light doesn't light up for their desired floor and instead the doors close to take them downstairs to the basement, where no one awaits them at all, because they were the Pea-sized Brainiacs that pushed the down button on themselves.
Then! The elevator returns to the 1st floor and the doors miraculously open to allow the rest of us on to push our desired floors and stare menacingly at the Freakshow who made this entire mess of our normally calm morning elevator routine.
This has happened several times.
I'm at a loss. Elevators. Elevate. Up arrow. 7 higher than 1. Rise. Gain height.
Intelligent People of the Universe, I implore you. Help me. Please.
The Walnut Sized Braniac
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I don't know what in the Sam hell they're doing down there, but the Roosters are taking over the island. This one in particular likes to chill next to his motorcycle outside of the Cuban Cigar shop, chatting it up with the yocals. We spent several days admiring the Roosters before I finally realized something strange, there were no Hens. A few days went by before we had our answer why. What follows is a detailed eyewitness account of IHP (Insane Hen Phenomena).
Jogger Guy: I finally found out where all the Hens are.
Lazy Wife: AH! Where?! I need to find a Hen, for my own sanity.
Jogger Guy: Okay, so I'm running down the sidewalk next to the 4 lane road out there and just as I near an intersection, I notice off to my left side a Hen sitting on a 6 foot fence. Just as I'm passing it, a car flies by on the lane farthest from me and the Hen, I'm not shitting you, flies off the fence and beelines it directly into the side of the passing car, nailing it in the gas tank. The dude in the car slows down and is craning all around trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. The Hen shakes a bit and continues on her merry way across the street.
Lazy Wife: (Mouth agape.) Wha? Are you kidding?
Jogger Guy: No. And it gets better. So I ran a while down the path and then turned back towards the hotel. Just as I reached the site of the earlier incident, I saw the Hen again. And sure enough, a car was approaching in the opposite lane. Right before the car got to the Hen, she ran across the street and was hit by the bumper of the car.
Lazy Wife: This is the most interesting story I've ever heard.
Jogger Guy: She was okay though, she just got up and walked back to the other side of the street.
Lazy Wife: They should post a sign there: SLOW DOWN! KAMIKAZE HENS IN THE AREA!
We had a great dinner across the street from our hotel, Beach Side Resort, I think? Supposedly, the chef is some famous guy from Miami. The food was amazing, and the service was great. But the restaurant was empty and the staff were all standing around with nothing to do. Me thinks Mr. Miami overestimated the demand for a high end restaurant here.
These are my feet. In a wave. On the Beach. I took about a hundred photos there.
This is me looking like a big dork on the Danger Tours Kayaking and Snorkeling trip we took. The ship was beautiful though.
I decided to stay in the boat with the food while G took to some freezing cold snorkeling. The water was clear for 6 or 7 feet, awesome.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
We totally got busted trying to take my picture under the "Big Un's" bar sign by this guy who was all, "Why don't you both get in the picture and I'll take it for you!" Thanks, Random Picture Taker Guy!
Since Trip Advisor is the lifeblood of the Agrotourism Industry, I checked it out for suggestions on where to eat and what to do while in Key West. That is where we found this little gem of a breakfast nook. Note to All: If you are ever ever ever in Key West, you must eat here and if you don't get the Chocolate, Walnut, Banana pancakes I'll never speak to you again. Trust me, I know food.
The day before we left we ventured as far south as Key West goes and found the Fort Zachary Taylor Park and Beach. It was beautiful, not crowded, and... There was a snack bar. People, snack bar, on the beach, whoa.
My other Springtime Resolution is to add more pictures to the site. I was always a picture book kinda gal, and things haven't changed all that much. Plus, some things that have been going on lately need to be shown to you instead of described. (i.e. the large growth on my stomach and the awesomely cute things my amazing friends and family keep giving me.)
So fear not! The weather it is a'changin' and bringing new pretty web pictures with it. Weeeeee! Can you feel it? No, not that. The wind, Sicko.