Friday, January 30, 2009

Pushing His Political Agenda

He's always doing this when I least expect it.
He's the sneakiest little lobbyest you ever did see.

What's that? 'More toys, less tears' you say? Well, of course! Great idea! Promote him! Give him that suitcase of cash we have lying around here somewhere from those nice Bailout people.

Happy weekend everyone.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Side of Salmonella

Does it occur to anyone else that every news program is exactly the same on any given topic and that it only changes minutely from day to day. As if you were watching a time lapse camera only in slow-mo? How irritating. I never realized it before because I rarely catch the news on a regular basis. And since we're going green (aka dirt poor) we don't get the newspaper anymore so I've lost that consistent repetitive news update bug.

So let me give you the NY minute of our nation's news: President has a blackberry, Everyone's got diarrhea from peanut butter, It snows, and Republicans hate Democrats.

Now spend your time doing something more worthwhile like catching up on Cheaters or any SVU episodes you missed the first time around on TNT. You're welcome!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Heath Ledger

On a more serious note, I was very touched to see that Heath Ledger won post-humously Best Supporting Actor for playing the Joker last year. I don't know if it's because we were former neighbors in Brooklyn, or because he's a young dad of a young child himself, but I've been very moved by his untimely death and the fate of his daughter and her mother.

Few things stun and sicken me more than the early death of someone our own age. I think it reminds me of how mortal we are and how final death is. I've never been a dare devil type of person or in denial about my mortality. In fact, I've seen death often in the work I do as a NICU nurse. But even those instances were usually following a very serious illness or diagnosis not compatible with life. Heath's death is different.

Whether or not he intentionally took his life or if it was an accident, I would never judge him either way. If, though, in fact he did commit suicide, millions of questions arise in my mind. Why did he think it was so bad he couldn't handle the situation he was in? Why did he feel like he couldn't talk to his former girlfriend? Parents? Friends? Psychiatrist? Anyone? Did he think of the future his daughter will face with him gone? Was he trying to save her from something he thought he was doing wrong? So many unanswered questions.

I guess my point is, I'm sad for Heath, and his family. Though we didn't know each other, I feel like it could have been prevented. And if there's anyone out there ever contemplating doing something similar, stop, call me, I'm here for you and I care.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Today In My Life, Part VI (I think)

I tried to flick someone off while driving down the WSHW only to realize I had mittens on*. So frustrating.

*Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened with the same pair of said mittens**.

**When I realized this, I laughed out loud and had to swerve to miss hitting the curb.

Pharmaceutical Destroying Badass Alert

Holy scream-factor, Batman. Let me just initiate some of you into the world of a five month old with double ear infections:


Translation: DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and/or Armageddon.

In related news, it took me 2 hours, 2 pharmacies, 1 heart attack, several quarters, a new pair of underwear, and $16 to get one amoxicillin prescription. Fan-f-ing-tastic. And do you know what I did with the little pink bottle of magic majesty this morning? I DUMPED HALF OF IT ON THE F-ING FLOOR. Because that's how I roll. That's why.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hitting the Refresh Button on Life

Ahhh. It's just past 10am and I'm online with my coffee as my companion and the bambino snoozing soundly for his morning nap. Finally, some sense of order is restored to my universe and I feel awesome. (Sidebar: Witness Grif with his laptop. Now go ahead and die of cuteness).

(Let's just ignore the fact that my apartment looks like it OD'd on Tequila and cocaine last night and lost the contents of its stomach all over the place, shall we?)

So back to my mustache... No, I was not always blessed with this proliferation of hair. It seems with the coming years, I not only desire less the binge drinking affair but also grow unsightly facial fuzz. Before you run for the trash can to heave your morning eggs and waffles (or if you're a New Yorker - your coffee with a side of double espresso), please understand I do not have a real problem, it is more an infrequent nuisance of a stache. However, it cannot be overlooked when it needs taken care of and who am I to offend society's personal hygiene norm by doing so.

Hitherto, I used to take care of this little "issue" with my usual and consistent mani/pedi around the corner from our apartment in Brooklyn (have I mentioned enough about how much I loathe/ murderously hate our new neighborhood over our old dear, lovely, happy, special one? No? Remind me to extrapolate that later). But times change and people quit their jobs and have babies while their husbands simultaneously quit their jobs and pursue post graduate educations of which they curiously have no money to pay for. It happens all the time. And in the destruction and aftermath lies my mustache.

No longer a minor pinprick of my spa routine, it has escalated to part of my mad dash to get ready before an important event, along with bushwacking my eyebrows and haphazardly waving a razor over my legs to give the impression of "Clean Sexy Temptress" not "Musty Idaho Lumberjack". Oh, such is life. I have no qualms nor embarrassments about it any longer.

So on this special day in US history I challenge all of you: Embrace your facial hair, ladies*!

*It just makes us more cuddly in the winter.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

My Apologies, In Advance

Warning: Information Overload!

I wish my parents cared enough to enter me in childhood gymnastics of some sort so that I would be able to kick my own ass right now for forgetting about a million things I wanted to tell you when I got a sec. BLAHOBAGS.

I'm hoping they'll come back to me when I lay down/pass out in a few minutes from sheer exhaustion. That's when it always happens. And though I usually curse my enormous and highly functioning brain, I will not tonight, I'll write down what it tells me and then tell you later, alright?

I'm pretty sure one of the things is that I shave my mustache and I'll tell you all about that tomorrow. Because I'm not ashamed of the shaving, in fact, if you are offended by the shaving then I suggest you grab a wrench and pry your head out of your ass because you probably need to shave yours too and your friends are just too nice to tell you about the fu-man-chu you're cultivating as we speak. And another thing, perhaps you're thinking waxing is more socially acceptable than shaving and to that I say shove your head back up your ass because in case you haven't noticed, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PEE BY MYSELF LET ALONE VISIT A SALON THAT WAXES HAIRY UPPER LIPS. So there.

Aren't you just chomping at the bit for tomorrow morning to come now? Huh? Yeah, I thought so. (Ass).

Monday, January 12, 2009

No Animals Were Harmed In the Making of This Post

Holy F-balls. You know life has you by the gonads when you go an entire two + weeks without remembering you have loyal and pissed off readers who are waiting for your every written word. Internet, I'm sorry. I've let you down. You can't possibly make me feel any worse than I already do, so don't even try. Unless you tell me that I won't be the surprise guest on 30 Rock someday, in that case you could make me feel worse than I already do. But why would you do that? I mean seriously. That's f-ed up of you. I may never talk to you again for even suggesting it. Wow.

I need a sec.

Okay, I'm going to forgive you this time.

In other news, part of the reason I've neglected you is that we just returned from a weeks stay in sunny and be-a-utiful Naples (Florida, not Italy, have I mentioned how we're now a 3-person, no-income family?) and Grif was totally chillin like the villain that he is in the pool every day so YOU KNOW there will be pics of that coming soon.

Here's a sliver to tide you over.

Exhibits 1 and 2 - Hawaiian Trunks, size 12 months & Mohawk in a Baby Inner Tube.We went with friends of ours who have a mother in law who has a husband who lent us his condo - which is totally the way to go if you ask me. The couple, Allison and Josh, brought their 3 month old baby boy (because you know, the courts kind of frown upon a kid that young staying home alone while his parents vacation in Florida, I mean you can't do anything these days, I tell ya), who will some day be Griffin's BFFL so needless to say, but I will, we had a great time.

Exhibit 3 - Zebra Sunglasses:
You rock that shit, Max. Hard core.