Thursday, January 31, 2008
~ Editor's comment: If he bought one more GD tool, I'm going to rip his you-know-what off Lorena Bobbitt style.
"Invitation for ____ ______! (This is my mom's name.) You CAN be rich!!!"
~ Editor: If that skeezy old bag is holding out on me, she'll never see her grandchild. I swear.
~ Editor: A. I'm not answering. and B. How in the Sam Hell did you get this number? And don't tell me you're a US FREAKING MARSHALL. I've heard that one before.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Moderator: Were you planning this?
Moderator: How far along are you?
T-moolah: About 12 weeks, give or take.
Moderator: Are you going to find out the gender?
T-mizzle: Yes, around 18-20 weeks.
Moderator: Are you leaving New York for the green, green, green,
cheap pastures of the Midwest?
T-sizz: Not right at the moment, but the thought has crossed our
minds once or a thousand times.
Moderator: Are your families excited?
T-biz: Yes, freaking out excited. And my sister in law is prego
as well, just two weeks behind me. So there are babies amongst us!
Moderator: Have you been sick to your stomach nauseous and wanting to
puke your guts out 24/7?
T-whack: Yes and yes. Though it is mostly over now, the first
10 weeks were ru-u-uff. Glad that's over. Hail Mary.
Moderator: Have you experienced weird cravings?
T-skiz: Yes, here they are in chronological order: Chicken wings
(though the thought of them now makes me want to vom-town), potato chips (plain,
lays), hard boiled eggs with kosher salt and pepper, and currently: Ramen cup o'
soup noodles (in chicken, not shrimp. Shrimp was a bad choice.)
Moderator: Anything else?
T-fly: No, not right now. But thank you for the interview and
the hot chocolate and Pepperidge Farm cookie assortment.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Just you wait...
See for yourself!
I ain't lieing.
Now if I just had a minute to tell you, but alas, I do not.
What good is work if it keeps you busy all the time, huh? Not good at all, I say.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
People, there's now a wire cart in there filled with baskets of personal hygiene items. I cannot begin to express the magnitude of this situation. Someone is dangerously close to overthrowing the well-defined office hygiene politics and committing a violent coup against our daily watercloset routines. Waste no time! We have to do something before all of our needs are met and we have nothing left to complain about. What then? What then?
[However, I did take a container of hand sanitizing wipes for my personal workspace needs. Shut up, because I said so, that's why.]
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I hope this doesn't get me really excited and super happy like the Regis and Kelly show and then turn out to be a total dud and ruin my chi. Because my chi's about to kick someone's ass. And I hope to God it doesn't have to be Martha's. My main driving force for the excitement is that I might receive in return for my esteemed presence in the studio two things: A. Food and B. Free Stuff. These being the only real reasons anyone goes to live studio shows anymore, I do not feel guilty for not caring if Cuba Gooding Jr. or Mary Tyler Moore are the guests. Hell, it could be Martha's roommate in prison and I wouldn't care, just give me some cheese blintzes and I'll shut up.
Stay tuned, loyal worshippers-er-friends, and I will give you all the dirt you'll ever wish you had on behind the scenes with M to the izzo. Peace out for now though, it's time to go home.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Well, guess what? It didn't happen this year! I am still full of the Christmas Spirit. And it's January 4th. And now my New Years Spirit is raring to go, too. That's double the holiday spirit, people. Call the National Guard, or the Navy, or someone. I have been reminiscing over what might have saved me from the After Christmas Poo-Poo Letdown Massacre and have decided that it is entirely due to the fact that I refused to let myself get abducted by the Commercial Christmas Nazis that govern all methods of entertainment and advertising during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I did not buy one materialistic overpriced gift, did not purchase one single extraneous Christmas decoration, or participate in any gift swap of any kind. I spent time and love making presents for everyone I care about this season and they were more intrinsically valuable to me to give than I ever believed it would be for the people to receive them. That is awesome. I have stumbled on the answer and I will fall down flat on my face gladly year after year doing the same thing.
My Post Holiday Transcendence is also due in large part to the time we got to spend with our families this year. For the first time, I didn't feel rushed and anxious over attending everything possible and seeing everyone individually. We had lots of time to see everyone and spend good quality time rather than frantic holidays on crack time. I cannot believe it went by so quickly, but I also feel blessed to have had that much time to spend at home at all. Thank you to everyone who made our holidays special. We love you all dearly and value your friendships to no end.
Happy New Year.