- So no one tries to find out where I live and abduct Hunter for the Human Genome Project.
- So my friends from high school and college who I haven't seen since graduation for reasons of my own choosing, namely weird dudes named Blade, can't find me.
- So my writing is free of extortion from outside sources who may want themselves portrayed in a more flattering, or more humorous light.
And the single most important and completely serious reason:
- So when I run for President, no one will tie me to this ranting and raving piece of poo*.