Wednesday, August 29, 2007

My Kindergarten Teacher Lied to Me

Why do they call compromising an art? Maybe a sport, or torture, or a fight to the death, but I have extreme problems with the distinction "art". There is nothing artsy about compromising. It's really more of a quantitative competition, inversely proportionate, if you will. Example: whoever does the least compromising is the winner. Likewise, whoever does the most compromising is the loser. And, I would offer that the whole "everybody wins" mentality of compromising is just an adage that the lesser of the compromisers says to his/her opponent to placate him/her. In reality, "everybody loses" is a better assessment.

Also, please explain this b.s. about "let's agree to disagree". If you agree that you both have a different position on something and you both think the other one is wrong, but you don't change your opinion, then you don't agree. Let's use a real life example, k?

Sally says animal A is a chicken.
Stew says animal A is a unicorn.

Aside from Stew's mental problems, how do they decide who's right? Well, it's important to Sally to educate Stew on what a chicken looks like so that he doesn't spend the rest of his life in ignorance, looking like a fool every time they go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Stew wants Sally to trust his judgement and not question his decisions. Sally says chicken, Stew says unicorn. Sally explains that since the animal has wings, feathers, a beak, lays eggs, and tastes good dipped in hot sauce it must be a chicken. Stew says, no Sally, trust me, it's a unicorn, why are you doubting me, what's your problem, are you pms-ing? And scene.

You cannot possibly say in this situation, "let's agree to disagree." You must swiftly and forcibly kick Stew in the balls, and beat him into submission. This is not art to most people. Though many people in the Village might think otherwise, they are not the majority. And I'm pretty sure people aren't lining up to ask the Village People (see? how I did that? sneaky.) for relationship advice, but maybe that's just me.

The moral of my parable is that I'm right and you're wrong. Now let's go get some hot wings.


Matthew said...

Oh sure, it could be a chicken but it's a lot more fun if it's a unicorn.

Please don't kick me in the balls.

Mrs. T said...

No worries, I'm just glad someone appreciates my metaphors.