Friday, January 11, 2008

Mayday! Our Lavatory is Under Attack

Mysterious wonders are afoot in the office bathroom at this very minute. Recently, I've been noticing the addition of various sundry items to our 2 foot by 2 foot lavatory. However, I am very suspicious. What happened to the days of 48 hour standoffs between myself and my coworkers versus the housekeeping staff over inadequate paper towel supplies? Where did the hostility with Maintenance over the clogged toilet go? Why now are our wash closet needs being recognized and attended to? Who is responsible for the endless supply of not only paper towels, but also toilet paper, hand soap, lotion, and even, dare I say it? Toothpaste and toothbrushes?! This has beseige written all over it. And I won't be sucked into the hospitality vortex like the rest of them. I know there are underlying motives to these niceties, and I reject their meager attempt to buy my affections.

People, there's now a wire cart in there filled with baskets of personal hygiene items. I cannot begin to express the magnitude of this situation. Someone is dangerously close to overthrowing the well-defined office hygiene politics and committing a violent coup against our daily watercloset routines. Waste no time! We have to do something before all of our needs are met and we have nothing left to complain about. What then? What then?

[However, I did take a container of hand sanitizing wipes for my personal workspace needs. Shut up, because I said so, that's why.]

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