You're never going to believe this. Hold on to your toenails. In just a few weeks, I'm.going.to.meet.Martha! You don't believe me? Well, then I bet you'd like to see the super duper secret email I have waiting for me in my inbox right now, chronicling the directions for meeting Martha, wouldn't you? Well, sorry to burst your bazoongas, you're not going to see it. Because then you might dress up as a really hot, sexy brunette and pretend to be me and steal my spot to see her, and YOU CANNOT DO THAT. I have my date with destiny, and you cannot perpetrate it. (?) Wow.
I hope this doesn't get me really excited and super happy like the Regis and Kelly show and then turn out to be a total dud and ruin my chi. Because my chi's about to kick someone's ass. And I hope to God it doesn't have to be Martha's. My main driving force for the excitement is that I might receive in return for my esteemed presence in the studio two things: A. Food and B. Free Stuff. These being the only real reasons anyone goes to live studio shows anymore, I do not feel guilty for not caring if Cuba Gooding Jr. or Mary Tyler Moore are the guests. Hell, it could be Martha's roommate in prison and I wouldn't care, just give me some cheese blintzes and I'll shut up.
Stay tuned, loyal worshippers-er-friends, and I will give you all the dirt you'll ever wish you had on behind the scenes with M to the izzo. Peace out for now though, it's time to go home.