Friday, August 8, 2008

Still Warming the Bench of L & D

Sorry for the misdirection: I have not posted due to being too fracking busy at work rather than due to the onset of labor and delivery of the fetus who will aforeto now be named, "The Boss". Less as a credit to The Bruce, and more because he refuses to let anyone else tell him when to be born, so as to assert his independent streak nice and early on in life. Enter: My Offspring.

And FYI, according to my weekly emails, he has now surpassed the size of a small watermelon. I'm sorry? SMALL WATERMELON? Shut your mouth when you're talking to me.

And FYI #2, quote of the day from my OB to the husband, "You didn't know when you married her you were marrying a lazy uterus, did ya?" Eh hem, Madam. Please. If he knew half of anything about me when he married me, the least of his problems was a lazy uterus. He'd be more than happy with just a lazy uterus. It's the rest of the psychosis lathered emotional temper tantrum marinated in sarcasm that he could do without. But at least you can crack jokes about my GIGANTIC STOMACH better than you can assist me with going into labor. Danke.

If you need me, I'll be running up and down our steps carrying the air conditioner. Also, if you need any furniture moved or your landlord beat up, give me a ring. I just so happen to be in the market to kick my own ass.

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