Monday, August 25, 2008

The Flying Placenta

I forgot to tell you about the "Flying Placenta". So after being awake for about 24 hours and enjoying approximately 20 some hours in labor with vise grip contractions I successfully deliver my 8 pounds of baby and am feeling a tad bit, shall we say, cocky? I'm no longer concentrating on whatever creative venture the OB doc is working on down below but am transfixed by the little creature on the warming table across the room. He's amazing. He cried for a little while but once G went over to him and grabbed his hand, he immediately stopped. G and I are just staring at each other, tears running down our faces, in complete silence. I'll remember that moment for the rest of my life.

And then the lovely OB who incidentally was a stand-in OB for my OB due to the fact that mine went on vacation at 8am in the freaking morning on the day I delivered, but I digress. Anyway, Stand-in OB snaps us out of the moment by informing me that now, now I get to deliver the placenta. Wha? Something else has to be delivered? As in, I have to push again and enjoy that whole lovely scenario one more time?
Well, hell. I'm not going to half ass this placenta pushing job, not after I just had the world's most beautiful baby boy, so look out. I'm going to knock this placenta push out of the park, yes Ma'am. So I gear up, take a huge deep breath, and push with all of the might left in my pelvis and ass. And out flies the placenta, straight into the gut of my Stand-in OB, squarely knocking her back a good 6 inches, I shit you not. She was mid-sentence giving me pushing directions and my Flying Placenta knocked the breath straight out of her. She was definitely surprised, and me? I was all, hell yeah woman. That's how you push a placenta out, biotch. (Only I wouldn't call her a biotch, I'd say Ma'am, yes Ma'am. After all, she's the one sewing my vijay-jay back together. And FYI: don't piss off that lady).

And just because I can't stand keeping this beauty a secret from the world...

1 comment:

Megan Murray said...

Okay, you are hysterical! I love your blog-- keep writing and posting pictures!