I was truly very excited this morning to find myself at the front of the McDonald's order line, mouth salivating at the thought of the impending deliciousness that is McDonald's breakfast, when a very interesting gentleman FLEW up to the counter right in front of me and SHOUTED that he had been waiting longer than me and wanted to order a McGriddle and a coffee!! Yes, it requires two exclamation points. He came out of nowhere, I swear. And scared the living shit out of me. And! It was like waking up Christmas morning to find that not only are there no presents with your name on them, but Santa is dead on your living room floor and all the little children are never going to get any presents either. I couldn't do anything but stand there and gawk at this screaming man who was hungry and starving for his McGriddle and coffee! I didn't even step back from the counter. I just stayed right there, rooted to the spot, within breaths of the lunatic. I wanted to slap his impatient little ass and send him home to his mama where he should ask for some lessons in MANNERS! But instead, I stood there like a turd with people tripping over my jaw that was lying on the floor several feet away from me, saying nothing. It's times like these that I wish I was a 300-pound, weight lifting, black belt wearing, facial hair growing, Comanche, kamikaze, Chuck Norris Trainee who could beat the living daylights out of that guy just by making eye contact with him. Where are you when I need you, Chuck? That would have been totally sweet.
*Note to self: enroll in The Norris School of Performing Combat.