Though there is an abominably large amount of information I need to share with you regarding the past few weeks of my boring life - this issue is pressing... (on my "BITCH MOMENT Processing Center").
After hauling ass to get the three of us on our flight home to Columbus for Thanksgiving, proceeding through the holiday with a smile and all of my bodily appendages intact, avoiding killing any next of kin, and flying home by myself with the Little Big Guy, I received this comment by the flight attendant of an unnamed airline that might rhyme with Smelta:
"Well, I guess the Little Guy doesn't need a coat in this weather!"
Listen here, Flight Attendant Devil Woman, if you had told me while we were waiting for 45 MINUTES in the gate area that we were going to have to go outside to board the rinky dink ass little plane you were flying us on to New York, I would have put his DAMN COAT ON. But seeing as how you were too busy trying to fit your gargantuan ass behind the ticket counter to notify us of this important detail, I have made the executive decision as the FANF*INGTASTIC mother that I am to subject my poor defenseless infant to the bitter cold for the sake of getting the plane out on time. Now, do you think you could go ahead and open a can of "SHUT THE HELL UP" so we can be airborne shortly?
Thank you and accept my birdie as a compliment to your airline.